This is a horrible place to be

Today I realized I don't talk to anyone about anything.  I just let things build up inside of me up inside of me until I literally can't take it anymore.  Right now there's so much pressure inside of me that it just keeps pushing itself out.  Today it pushed tears out when I was just hanging out with friends.  At a random time.  Sometimes it pushes unprovoked and unnecessary anger out.  I know what I need to do is give all this crap I'm carrying around with me to Him.  But its easier said than done.

How do I just let it go.
Trust him?  I know.  Have faith?  I know.  Give it away and don't touch it again?  I know.
I'm not asking for answers or a game plan.
It's like I know the plays but my body won't execute them.
How do I fix that?

I feel bad complaining because it's like I know all the answers and I'm being a big baby and won't just do what I need to do.  And I want to do, so desperately.  I don't know what's holding me back.  I keep trying to break free of these chains that are binding me together in a tight little ball but for some reason I can't.  And I keep trying to give it to Him because I know he will gladly take it and fix it all but there's something I'm not giving him or something because its not working.  And it's me, I know.  He's prefect and I'm flawed.  I want to live the life He has for me again.  I've been living my life and its not nearly as good.

I want to give him my job search
my financial aid
my body image
my bad habbits
my urges
my impatience
my selfishness
my time management
my lack of understanding
my language
my thoughts
my worrying
my complaining
my self worth
my neediness
my unhappiness
my procrastination

I want to give it all to Him and stop holding on to and trying to fix it all myself but its not working.  I give it to Him one second and snatch it back the next.

This is a horrible place to be.